The Look of Love: Divorce & Remarriage

February 24, 2016, by Carrie

Did you ever dream of getting married and living happily ever after? Well, we all grow up with fairy tales and whether we realize it or not they have an influence on us. So I find it hard to believe that any of us think our marriage will end in divorce  when we say yes and walk down the aisle to be united with our beloved. Unfortunately, the truth is a huge percentage of marriages fail every year. Divorce happens for so many reasons and some are understandable and others really boil down to a laundry list of sad excuses. I have to be honest and admit that immaturity and selfishness were probably at the heart of the dissolution of my first marriage. Who was immature and selfish? Honestly, it was both of us but how it fleshed out was different for each of us.

So getting married again must have changed those flaws because my hubby and I are on year twenty-two. Right? If you believe that, then I have some Ocean Front Property in Arizona for you {good song King George Strait}. No, I didn’t magically become mature and selfless. No, my Mr. DC didn’t either. But over time we did grow up. We have learned much over the last twenty-two years and I could write on and on about how our marriage reflects the look of love but some of the ways may not be the mainstream idea of fairy tale and happily ever after love.

Love is a word that just encompasses so much. It can be a feeling and a verb at the same time. It is active rather than passive. It can move mountains (figuratively) and be the driving force to change people and practices. It’s just big and strong and yet small and gentle. It is something we desire to possess and yet it isn’t something we can necessarily touch. We know when we see it, read about it or feel it. It touches all of our lives and brings life. We are better for having loved and for being loved.

But, there are parts of love that are difficult. Love isn’t always happy faces and rainbows. No, real love endures lots of obstacles. It endures being wronged. It endures hardship. It forgives. It seeks to be reconciled with those who caused pain. It seeks restoration from brokenness. Yes, these are some of the parts of love that make it really beautiful.

But, when I was younger I didn’t realize that love and marriage would a place where people hurt each other. I didn’t realize that marriage wasn’t all about that other person existing to make me happy. My self-centered ideas coupled with an unwillingness to adult caused a divorce. Not a very good look of love for sure but one that many have faced or will face. But I did learn from that tragedy. I became an adult and learned to navigate in adulthood.

Marriage with Mr. DC hasn’t always been easy. Adulting with him has been an adventure though and one I cherish very highly. We have had the opportunity to experience many aspects of love. We have grown the most through learning to forgive. Being reconciled to one another through accepting our own responsibility for hurting the other has led to restoration through our different problems over the years. Love has shown itself ever so faithful especially when we learned to embrace love that is much deeper and better than the kind that is based purely on happiness. My love for that man is deep and it is solid and unwavering, as is his for me. I know we can weather the storms in the future because of the dark storms we have gone through in the past. Love has served us well. But if I’ve being completely honest, it’s the love shown to us in Christ that is the example. When we seek to love through being sacrificial instead of selfish something really special develops. Our loves grows deeper as we seek to serve the other rather than look at marriage as an opportunity for self. In the end, the love of sacrifice wins. Really it’s a win-win for both of us.

Actually, today is Mr. DC’s birthday. Happy Birthday to you, my beloved! I’m sharing this post to honor him. I thought I would share a couple of photos too. We renewed our vows at 15 years when he returned safely from a deployed overseas. It was a special day…

 I have found the one that my heart loves…Song of Songs 3:4

Carrie is a regular contributor for The Blended Blog and also maintains her own blog over at A Lovely Little Wardrobe.  In her spare time Carrie can be found finding the beauty in the everyday through scripture or in her relationships.  She is a soft spoken Texas with a big heart and an even bigger desire to find the good in the world.