The Look of Love: Forgiveness

February 10, 2016, by Daily Style Finds


forgiving someone that hurt you, abandoned by dad, unexpected death of a parent

In thinking about what I was going to write on The Blended Blog this week, I decided to deviate from my usual fashion-stuff - and gather-up the courage to share something deeply personal - in hopes that it gives others a better understanding of me and more importantly to possibly help someone out there who is struggling.

In thinking about the prompt “THE LOOK OF LOVE” what I thought about is “FORGIVENESS”.  In the noted scripture (heard so many times at weddings) -  “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast,… and it keeps no record of wrongs…”  — Keeps no record of wrongs…

So, my story of forgiveness…

Almost two years ago, I received a voicemail from the hospital telling me my father was in a coma in the Neuro ICU.  My first thought was - they must have the wrong person. They never mentioned my dad’s name in the message - and the last time I talked to my dad, he was perfectly fine.  I called the hospital back, expecting to find-out that they had the wrong person. I was sure (hoping) they just connected with the wrong person, and left this gut-dropping message on my phone by mistake.

I soon realized - they had the right person - and it was indeed my dad in a coma.  A flood of thoughts and adrenaline kicked in at that moment.  I made it to the hospital, and as I walked into my dad’s hospital room, my first thought was — that person hooked-up to the ventilator - lying helpless in the bed - could not be my dad.  It could not be.  And, my next thought was — and, this is the woman my dad left me for.

You see - 25 years earlier on one un-expecting day when I was 15 years old,  my dad walked into my room, and told me he was leaving.  Not just leaving to go to work - but leaving for good.  He had met someone — someone only five years older than me and half his age — and he was leaving us to be with her.  He packed up his bags that day - walked out - and my life changed.

His decision changed a lot of things.  From that moment on, his life was hidden from me.  He did not share where he was living - or introduce me to the woman he was with.  And because of this, I would never spend another birthday, Christmas, or holiday with him.  We talked - but it was at a safe distance - away from his personal life. 

That moment in the hospital I was overwhelmed by my dad in an unresponsive state.  I was being hit by a tidal wave of emotions, thoughts, and unknowns.  I was wondering if dad was going to “wake-up” - and if I would ever talk to him again - and if he would recover.  And, I was trying to make sense of this woman that caused me to lose my dad 25 years earlier. 

My dad’s decisions to leave caused me a lot of pain - and he never gave me the opportunity to understand what all happened - why he made the choices he made - and why he never made it right with me.

Through it all though,  I never stopped loving my dad.  I always loved him.  Even with the pain, he was still my dad - the dad I grew up playing endless hours of basketball with and going for a run with… the dad who drove me to school each day.   He was my father - and I would always love him.

My dad never come back… he never regained consciousness…

I probably will never be able to make sense of his decisions and why he did what he did - and how he left such a mess of his life - even after his death… but…

…LOVE is being able to accept and forgive those who hurt us - even if they cause excruciating pain. 

Although, I have endured more than I ever thought imaginable.  And, at the heart of it - there has had to be forgiveness.  I have had to learn to forgive my dad over and over - many times.  Each thing I have uncovered and had to fight for since his death, has been a process of forgiveness. He may have left many unanswered questions, but he was my dad.  And, I loved him... And, I forgive him…

…and, I work at keeping no record of wrongs. 

To me that is what “Love is…” Love is more than happy red hearts - it is having the heart to go-on loving someone even when…

…they hurt us.  



Lisa is a regular contributor for The Blended Blog and also maintains her own blog over at Daily Style Finds.  Lisa loves fashion, style, and shopping online.  Her goal is to help style women to make them look and feel great - and find some awesome deals along the way!

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